Tuesday, 12 June 2012

• Grudges, Regret, Potential and Stigma

  I haven't been focused much lately, except on housework and getting things done. That is why I haven't updated. So, I'm going to give a few insights as to what I've learned lately.

   

  1)Don't hold a grudge. Grudges only hurt you. When I was younger, I was bullied a lot by the kids in school. I was so angry against them, but as I learned, they simply went on with their lives. What am I supposed to do when they don't suffer as much as I did, or do not suffer at all? According to my Christian faith, not forgiving will cause you to not be forgiven by the Father, which in turn leads you straight to hell-and this is not a fate I would wish on anybody, by any means. Besides, what good is it to nurse that poison inside of you, going through it again and again? Forgiveness is not excusing what they did; rather, forgiveness is letting the pain go, little by little. Of course what they did to you was wrong. You do not have to trust that person again. You only have to let it go.

  2) Have you ever wondered what your life would be like had you chosen a different path? I wonder that a lot. What if I had moved to Florida with my mom? What if I had taken and filled out that scholarship? What if I decided what to be when I grew up earlier? Ah, regret: the subtle twin of the grudge. Why beat yourself up when you are able to start fresh and new, taking it one day at a time?

  3) What if Peer Specialist was only the beginning of my journey? I once told a spiritual person that people gathered around me tend to have one problem or another. They said that was my calling. There is a lot of need for mental health advocacy and stigma reducing. Nobody should be told that the best thing they can do with their lives is clean out dog cages, especially when they are a person with a lot of potential! I never got that message, but I know of people who did. I am a Peer Specialist. Basically, that person can relate to another in the predicament they are in. I happen to be a trained Peer Specialist who has Autism and Depression. It's kind of like a Sponsor, for those familiar with the Anonymous groups. (I am a little familiar with Anonymous groups, by the way.) Still, it has not led to a job, so I would like to go to a school to gain more education in something like social work, or psychology.

  4) There is still a lot of work to be done with the National Alliance on Mental Illness, NAMI. I posted a question on a teen hangout site: Would you date someone who takes antidepressants? The responses have disturbed me. They range from ignorance, such as no answer at all, to fear, as in "what if they miss a day? They'll want to kill themselves!" Of course, mental illness is the most unemployed of all the disabilities, putting a strain on the governments' finances. Now, I am not opposed to getting help if you need it. However, I am opposed to limiting a person to low-level, low-income jobs for a living just because they have a mental illness. That is true prejudice, and real discrimination. The stereotype is that those with mental illness will kill you. Trust me, as a person with mental illness, and one who knows those with mental illness, they are much more likely to kill themselves! That is the real danger. People with illnesses are dying every day by their own hands. Every life is precious. Even those who have "no meaning," even those with an illness. They can teach you things of great wisdom not seen by others. I am sick and tired of being "crazy." I am sick and tired of being told I have no potential. I am sick and tired of failing. I need support. I need to stop the stigma.

  I am done musing for now. Back to you later.

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